yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
