So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
