Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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