i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
