no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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