Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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