At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
