The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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