i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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