it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
