using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
