I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We have started to decorate penises.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
