Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
