Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
