Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
