I skipped work to stalk him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
