There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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