I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
try to milk me bitch
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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