Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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