if i can run in heels then i can drive
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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