Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
