then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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