I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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