i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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