I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
