just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
