I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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