hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
