He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
