The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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