Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
