they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
