Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
