Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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