i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
