You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
