a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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