pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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