i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
