guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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