and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
