i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
