U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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