Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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