There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Houston, we have a blender
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
