im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize