He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
