How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
