then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
