I cannot find my penis.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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