last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
