I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
