wakey wakey hands off snakey
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
