i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
