They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
