He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
