Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
