I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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