: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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