Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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