I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
