im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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