I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
