dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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