And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
my poor anus
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
